the crime comes last of all

an exercise in blurring the truth.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

shipped me off to private school where all we do is wear ties.

This hurts. It's not something that's been said, or done, or not said, or not done, it's just the overwhelming unfairness she's percieving right now. There's this indescribable frustration with everything she feels, and it's like tar in the pit of her stomach. She just wishes, sometimes, that she could claw it out. Could make herself vomit and see it all come up in a violent shower of bile and fluids, and then drain peacefully through the plumbing, into the harbour.

Fenix TX - Phoebe Cates

Friday, October 29, 2004

take me, don't leave me

She is rumpled, eyes blinking and half-open like a kitten. Well, theoretically. You can't see her, but you see her bedroom window every morning on the way back from class, and it makes you think of her. Your coffee always has a vague stomach acid aftertaste, but you sip the cooling dregs and smile around the rim of your travel mug when you walk by that big green house. The fact that you promptly trip - the daily version of a short drop and a sudden stop - doesn't even phase you.

You just aren't allowed say that we "dump these two together," or "chuck the mixture into a clean flask." It doesn't sound very scientific, that's why. And if we don't sound important and scientific, how will people know we're doing something complicated and interesting?

Travis - Love Will Come Through

Monday, October 11, 2004

bed ball. b5-Xtreme!

The warmth and the closeness of arms and torsos squashed up to yours, with the alcohol and the angle you're lying at making your head feel warm and spinny. Out of the silence and the irregular bounce-thwack, squeals of surprise and lazy, rolling peals of giggling that make it seem alright, and easy.

"Why is this fun?"
"I don't know, but it's awesome."

Friday, October 08, 2004

she had pretty hair, and beautiful eyes.

The sexiest thing she can think of right now is getting felt up in her bedroom, while explaining mechanoreception and the dorsal column medial - gasp - lemniscus pathway through breathy moans.

"In the primary somatosensory cortex, area three b is concerned with, mmm, light touch. Area one is concerned with" - hands cupping her ass, a bite where her neck meets her shoulder - "deep pressure."

Nerf Herder - Nosering Girl

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

negative space

That's your project this week. By creating details of what isn't there, you illuminate what is. So, let's start with that. This is not a relationship. This is not anything that can be explained rationally, because she is not a very rational person when it comes to affairs of the hot straight girl. This is not, unfortunately, something that can be quantified and explained through deductive logic. This is not something that will be solved with a kiss, or a grand gesture. This is not something that's likely to blow over while she's still single. This is not ameliorated by the fact that your smile is so pretty, or the way you giggle when she starts flirting outrageously.

"Am I being ridiculous?" And of course it was not ridiculous for Count Vronsky, yet would be in a girl or any unattached woman.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

blackbird singing in the dead of night. . .

She likes eyeliner better the second day, anyway.

If I spilt amaretto down my front, would you lick me?

Beatles - Blackbird